Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire

GODZILLA X KONG: THE NEW EMPIRE
Director ~ Adam Wingard
Writers ~ Terry Rossio, Adam Wingard, Simon Barrett
2024, USA-Australia
Stars ~ Rebecca Hall, Brian Tyree Henry, Dan Stevens

Within minutes, Kong is leaping in slo-mo to a dimuendo, and I’m thinking, “|Oh, one for the trailer.” But that’s far from the last. Godzilla curled up in the Colloseum is kinda cute, an example of a ridiculous detail that amuses. But I’m distracted thinking, “Why has she parked on the grass? No tyre tracks…?” Then we have the fast-talking loundmouth blogger that knows better than the uptight experts. And I’m thinking: “There’s a lot of sparks flying around in that underground base where people are running around like headless chickens – isn’t that very unsafe?” It is the kind of film where you notice the nonsensical details, the kind of film that knows you know it’s affronting your intelligence. And anything but red blood. Then it all hinges on Kong’s dentistry and a funky song saying “I gotcha!”, so, you know. Needle-drops that make sure you don’t take anything seriously and add nothing but nonsense (everyone thinks they can do what James Gunn or Tarantino can do).

The first fight between Kong and other giant apes had me locked in for a moment. Baby Kong isn’t as cloying-annoying as you might anticipate from the trailer. How much did this cost? Despite Kong occasionally impressing, very much fake gamesystem visuals, insulting compared to the focus of ‘Godzilla Minus One’, although more expensive – and something like this is why something like that was such a revelation. Whether it meets a “fun” quota depends on your taste. After all, Kim Newman says, “This spectacle fully embraces the toddler-tantrum-on-a-colossal-scale aesthetic and is winning because of rather than despite its essential goofiness.” I sensed shrug rather than goof.  

 

There’s potential in the premise of a bunch of humans trying to co-exist with kaiju, focusing on the minutiae of doing their dentistry for example, serios or fun, but this doesn’t care.  Lots of sound and monsters signifying nothing. Leave your brain and need for internal logic waaayy behind. Stuff on top of stuff with the constant pace of desperately urgent! And a roar! to imply excitement. But it is all just shallow distraction. Just: Kong knows sign language. Good Kong x Bad Kong. Kong has giant super-axe. Kong has … robo-arm? Oh, and here’s Godzilla putting in a cameo.